How this latter-day Grinch became the Decider-by-the-faucet

There is a site in Washington D.C. that as a tourist you’ll never get to see; for it’s not a historical point, monument or museum piece; nor something that could be depicted by digital camera. It’s really a site out-of-sight within the presidential mansion: a Grinch standing by a symbolic peace fount, a smirking creature with his hand by the faucet.

Dr. Seuss could never have imagined this Grinch-by-the-fount. Not in the 1950’s when America stood out as a land-of-plenty with horizons colored in the green of hope, and a Who-population yet to be deflowered of its political innocence. So the Grinch he created was a sullen sourpuss dressed in a dark shade of green, possessing a skin of envy and a heart of Scrooge. How could Seuss have envisioned, or prophesized, a latter-day Grinch… one dressed in petroleum-black, cowboy boots and a ten-gallon hat, with power from A to Zebra and beyond? Not in a million Who-years!

This contemporary Grinch, unlike the one sequestering Christmas a half-century ago, doesn’t dwell in a cave on snowy Mount Crumpit; instead, he lives in a very fanciful palace with a very plain name: the White House. Nor is this Grinch restricted to a sole faithful companion – a dim dog like Max, being courtly surrounded instead by a yellow light brigade of villainous and inept neocons. Yellow and light… one and all!

From his oval perch at the White House, this Grinch keeps track of all the Who-nations’ heads of state – and whether they, and their people, are paying the assigned dues for peace – his long oily fingers and diminutive heart ready in a snap to turn on, or turn off, an ornate faucet shaped like a dove, the only faucet in the planet from which peace is allowed to flow. This Bushy-Grinch is a very special Grinch, one dividedly chosen as Lord Mayor of America-ville, later self-enthroned as King of the Who-world.

No one really knows why this peace fount did end up in America’s capital, but many suspect that the reason has got to be nuclear. And as for being the only fountain dispensing peace to the world; well, blame it on the sanctity of individual property rights, and the patent on peace handed over to America by “divine assignation” as the singular moral authority in the world. Moses was given the Tablets, and this Bushy-Grinch was granted sole franchise-rights for peace… anywhere, everywhere that people might live.

Even if dubbed as an economics’ simpleton, with the entire supply of peace by his hand, the Grinch is fully aware that the inelasticity of demand for peace will ultimately force any nation in the Who-world “to do as he damn well please.”

Dr. Seuss created a Grinch with a brain – and thus potential for redemption – making the Grinch realize that Christmas went beyond presents and decorations, allowing him to evolve from a creature with a heart “two sizes too small,” to a reasonable being whose heart grew “three sizes larger.” Unfortunately for Americans, and the rest of the Who-world, the Bushy-Grinch chosen to lead America-ville was not spared a brain; so he evolved, or rather devolved, his heart shrinking from two sizes too small to an invisible speck. Not having a brain, and lacking a heart, he cannot understand why the Whos, whether living here or abroad, fail to comprehend his reasons for being grinchly resolute.

The Decider-by-the-faucet has concluded that he is not about to turn on the faucet of peace for Iraq or Afghanistan… not this year. Forget about Baker and that dull, and for the most part unacceptable, Iraq Study Group report. This Cowboy-Grinch with a slow peace-draw will wait until January, or as long as his cortex-only brain “dims” necessary, to allow his new minister of warring affairs, a congenial fellow by the name of Gates, “to kick a few tires” – not an atypical comment for a Grinch who appears to have total disregard for Who-life… once it’s past the embryo stage, whether that life sparks from Whos in America-ville or anywhere else.
Glory to God in the highest and peace to all Whos on this earth;
A fourth Christmas in Iraq, fifth in Afghanistan, all peace-dearth.

Why do we feel obliged to pay homage to a Grinch who leads us to kill
When from birth the message we’ve been taught is one of compassion and goodwill?
Could it be that it isn’t just Bushy-Grinch the only one without a brain
That amongst us many do prefer not to think, much afraid to suffer strain?

Never in our history has a president been so out of touch, out of reach;
Why, then, aren’t more respectable leaders pointing at this Grinch yelling “Impeach!”?
Haven’t we realized as a nation this is not America’s defender,
That this Decider-by-the-faucet is simply an unqualified pretender?